I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
