I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
