Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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