Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I skipped work to stalk him.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
