i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
