She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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