Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
