Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize