we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
