I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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