Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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