she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
