Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
