Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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