You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
