she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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