If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
