Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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