I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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