It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
