YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
