OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
