please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's blow job season.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
