Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
