I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize