so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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