i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dignity is for republicans.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
