i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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