I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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