i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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