sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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