talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
