Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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