Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
