i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
