What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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