i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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