She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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