How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Im part way to drunk.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
