You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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