Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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