We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
