Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
