Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
