yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
