do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
