I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
