i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
