Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
