The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
