i already hear my dad disowning me
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
