After last night, I could never be a politician.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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