Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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