I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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