If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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