fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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