worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
