I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
