Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
