Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
