Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
it glows. i had to have it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
