how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
