Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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