So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
