I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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