So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
