he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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