He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
