Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize