I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
