I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
ttyl tear gas
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
