I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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