we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So many bounce houses so little time
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
