Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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